Folding clothes in the washroom on rough days, not out of necessity, but because when your standing by the dryer it quiets down the noise of the children's bickering.
Rearranging your schedules to fit in nap time, not because your children need it to have healthy growth, but because it's the hour you have when no one is touching you or asking you a question you've answered 3 times already. and OH my Word do you need that.
When no matter how many times you've mentioned "God saw it fitting for you to be siblings, so I am positive you can work this out." They miss the point of working it out without involving you, which in turns leaves you to say "you need to talk to your brother/sister before you talk to me" So many times in a row.
You see, all these things, I've done. This month. 2015 just started and I am drained. Now before you get all sympathetic and saying "Poor her", please don't. You see this mothering thing is hard. Well, everything I do is hard. Wife. Mom. Preschool Director. Foster Mom. CC Campus Director. all require my time, my efforts, and my talents. That's not a bad thing. Really.
If anything it's a fantastic tool. Stripping away the selfish gunk that gets in the way of serving & loving people freely.
Right now, I am being gently reminded I am not in control. Of anything. I have a toddler on antibiotics which is causing Heinous diapers. I have a child with a random fever on my floor so I can monitor her through the night. I have a budget that is running a bit tighter then i'd like. I can not do my normal routine tomorrow due to sick child, and have to trust the operating of a Campus & tutors to someone else. This morning I woke with horrible stomach ache, leaving me in bed this morning. So when I received a text asking if i'd be at preschool to help in chaos, I had to say no, and find other support for my team member.
Right when I want to throw in the towel and call it quits for the day. I read Philippians 1:2-11
When I read it I asked myself if this is something I would think describes my life with my kids. Now don't get me wrong I Love my kids, but sometimes the amount of me they need is a bit well, overwhelming. And this too is a good thing.
2) Grace and Peace to you from God our Father & the Lord Jesus Christ. - can my kids feel this? is it evident? if I told my foster child that the reason I am how I am is because of God's Grace and peace, would that render Christ desirable or appalling.
3) I thank God every time I remember you. - nope. It's more like "if this kid doesn't stop putting her dirty socks in the shoe basket...." "should I burn these underwear or oxiclean them again?"
4)In all my prayers for you I always pray with joy. -- again nope. It's more like " Lord, help so-and-so with wanting to slam doors on the other children." It's more frustration than joy.
5)because your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, - Let me be clear, two of my children have stated faith in Christ. So they are in a partnership in the gospel. But do I rejoice in it? When they go with grandma and tell her of Christ second coming, and reminder her "He's EVERYWHERE!" do I rejoice that they are so comfortable that it just comes out.
6) being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. - This is right on, it's only this that will carry it out. I've got nothing on this.
7) It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. -- Do I treat them so they'd believe they share in Grace with me?
8) God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. -- could he though? What about when I had to spend 3 week retraining a kid how to wipe, only to give up. That wasn't affection I was feeling.
9) And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, -- Again my prayers have no quite mirrored this. unless it's insight of how to get along, then yes - right on the money.
10) so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, -- My motives lately are less noise, and not so much blamelessness
11) filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.-- I forget to praise for the fruit. For when my son wakes me with an airplane that he flew to me when I was sick this morning. that had a drawing of me on bed and well wishes to get better soon. When my daughter comes home and ask me immediately how I was, did I rest, do I need anything. When my toddler sees me and waves from the table at lunch time, over and over again.
Needless to say I don't see Philippians in my day to day with my kids. but the great thing is I can change that. and I will strive to. Week by week. So here we go:
Week 1: Extend Grace and Peace toward them.
Week 2: Every time I remember them giving thanks for them. Sock in the shoe basket/underwear on the floor/ soaking underwear/ child throwing food at the table/ child asking incessantly "what is for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack.
Week 3: Reminding them we are in a partnership. Scripture time starts up again.
Week 4: Praying intentionally for this good work in each other. Notes of encouragement.
Four weeks one month: Lets do this. Join me. even if it's secretly. what do you have to lose?
